


Reset and Renew

by Selenay



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It, Happy Ending, I Reject Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 03:16:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21367285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/pseuds/Selenay
Summary: Heartbreak not does heal easily. But a couple of months after the most amicable and painful breakup Serena had experienced, a medical emergency might lead to a second chance at getting things right.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81
Collections: Femslash Exchange 2019





	Reset and Renew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ktlsyrtis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktlsyrtis/gifts).

> I hope you like this! I'd been struggling to think of what I wanted to write for these two, but then I realised my problem was that I couldn't leave the canon as it stood. So I tried to fix it :D Because if Bernie doesn't stay in Nairobi, a lot of things are better.

_"We're just not the right sort of animal…"_

Heartbreak wasn't new for Serena. She'd been married once, after all, and there had been others after Edward.

But it had been three months and the raw, bleeding place in her soul hadn't even begun to scab over yet. In fact, it felt just as awful as it had that night in December. Maybe worse, because she couldn't shake off the feeling that it was a horrible mistake and there must have been a way to fix it all.

It had felt like such a mature, sensible discussion that night. Far more civilised than the way her marriage had ended. She'd felt almost proud of herself for being such a reasonable grown-up about the whole thing. 

That had lasted for almost two hours, until she got home and it all crashed down on her. The hours afterwards were not ones Serena liked to remember or felt particularly proud of.

In some ways, it might have been easier if she'd been able to hate Bernie. Even the almost confession that Bernie had, possibly, strayed just as much as Serena had towards the end didn't seem to do the trick. Bernie was no Edward and Serena had always known it.

Before Bernie, Serena had never believed in the idea of having one great love, a relationship that eclipsed all others, no matter how many times she'd treated married couples who claimed to have found theirs. Why had it taken her fifty years to find hers, and why hadn't she held on and found a way to keep it?

And why one earth did she keep having thoughts like that when she was supposed to be concentrating on AAU statistics reports for the Board?

Serena glared at the document on her screen and began typing again.

It was a relief when she heard a commotion outside the door and then Duval's voice calling her name.

She registered a blur of red and turquoise around a gurney, but she didn't pay any attention to it, all her focus on the patient. "What do we have?"

It was obvious what they had from the smell, but there were gaps to fill. Duval rattled off the facts quickly - male, extensive burns, every reading critical and getting worse - while Serena gently prodded and checked the monitors.

And then everything stopped as a familiar--painfully loved and familiar--voice said, "It was an engine room fire at sea. We were transporting him to a specialist unit but he became too unstable."

Serena looked up and met Bernie's eyes, half-hidden behind the usual tangle of dark blonde fringe that should have been cut weeks ago. For a moment, she couldn't breathe. Couldn't remember how to breathe. Couldn't feel her hands or her face or anything.

Could only stand and stare while the rest of the world faded away.

Bernie looked tired. There was a new line at the corner of her mouth. Serena wanted to brush the hair away from Bernie's eyes, but she was frozen in place.

"Ms Campbell?"

Duval's voice brought the world roaring back, the beeping and voices rising around her and breaking the spell.

Serena gave herself a mental shake and forced herself to look down at the patient. "What are we dealing with, Ms Wolfe?"

Bernie's voice was calm and firm as she recited the patient's history and that helped. It grounded Serena. This was what they'd always been good at, before they ever had anything stronger: the medicine was where they'd bonded first and she grasped it and held on like it was a lifeline.

***

The memorial garden was empty and silent. Serena sank down gratefully on a bench and took a deep breath of damp evening air.

Miraculously, she thought there was a chance the patient would live.

Working beside Bernie had felt better than anything had for months. Bernie's steady calm, the way she knew what Serena was going to need before Serena did, the instincts they'd always shared...it had all come back and felt like something slotting into place. Like having a limb back after it had been missing for months.

Like having the other half of her soul back.

Serena rested her elbows on her knees and allowed her head to hang down. It was getting dark.

They'd worked perfectly together until the crisis was over. Pushing the pain aside had been easy while there was a patient who needed her, but as soon as that was over, Serena's concentration had shattered. She'd managed to hold it together well enough not to worry anyone, she hoped, before she'd headed for the door at a pace that was barely below a run.

Donna had probably noticed anyway. She was always sharp at the wrong moments.

Serena wanted to be the cool, calm one, able to survive the reappearance of old lovers with grace and poise. If she was being honest, she'd never been that person, but somehow she felt less collected around Bernie than anyone else.

Well, there was Edward. But he just made her furious, and that wasn't the same thing.

Bernie looked good. Red had always suited her. Serena wondered what her arrival with the air ambulance signified, but she pushed the thought away. Whatever had brought Bernie here could only be temporary, a break from her true calling.

"Is this seat taken?"

Serena almost fell off the bench at the sound of Bernie's voice. She just about caught herself before she face-planted, but there was no dignity in it. She could feel herself flushing as she scrambled upright and met Bernie's amused eyes.

"I was just taking a break," Serena said. "You know how it is."

Bernie's eyes flickered, taking in the familiar garden, and the corners of her mouth twitched up. She held up a vape pen. "I know how it is."

"I thought you'd quit."

"It didn't take." Bernie shrugged. "This thing isn't quite the same but it's supposed to be healthier."

Serena hummed doubtfully. "I've seen some of the case reports."

"Healthier than the real thing," Bernie conceded. "You look well."

"So do you." Serena gritted her teeth on the lie. Bernie looked tired and sad, but she suspected that even lesbians weren't supposed to get that personal so soon after a breakup.

Bernie fiddled with her pen and sat down on the bench. After a minute, she blew out a thin stream of vapour. It smelled of cinnamon.

Serena hesitated for a long time before giving into the inevitable, sitting down at the other end of the bench with a full foot of space between their bodies.

Awkward silence descended.

"So, I-" she said, at the same time as Bernie said, "I'm sorry-"

Silence fell again. Serena gestured for Bernie to take the floor. She couldn't remember what she'd been going to ask.

"I'm sorry," Bernie said. "I really didn't know I was going to be here today."

Serena nodded. "Is this just a flying visit?"

Bernie chuckled, and Serena inwardly groaned at her unintentional pun.

"I've been back for a couple of months," Bernie said quietly.

It hurt and Serena didn't bother to hide it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to until I knew whether this was going to stick."

Serena frowned. "What was going to stick?"

"This." Bernie gestured, taking in her red flight suit, the hospital, everything around them. "Me, doing this, being back here. I didn't want to contact you until I was sure that I was going to stay. You said it yourself, I'm not 'a putting the bins out in my slippers' type of person, and I wanted to find the right role here before I asked to be a part of your life again. I didn't want to make a rash promise you couldn't trust. Again."

Serena felt both her eyebrows rising with no ability to control it and Bernie ducked her head, hiding her eyes behind her too-long fringe.

"I wasn't assuming anything," she said quietly. "I was only going to ask, and see if you wanted to try again."

"And if I said no?"

"Oh, I'd be hurt, obviously." Bernie tucked her vape pen into a pocket and shifted to sit sideways on the bench. Her knee touched Serena's hip for a moment before she pulled it back. "I'd be hurt, but I'd understand and I'd never push you."

"Would you go back?"

"To Africa?" Bernie looked thoughtful. "Not full-time, no. I've still got a contract to go out there for a few weeks each year, that's going to be enough for me." Her expression shifted to a more determined one, familiar enough to make Serena's heart hammer. "This isn't just for you, you know. I've got a lot to make up for with my children, too, and it's time I stopped running away from that and made a home here."

"What made you change your mind?" Serena asked. "You seemed sure that Nairobi was your future the last time we talked. Wasn't there someone who needed you there?"

Bernie's shoulders lifted as she sighed. "That...I'm so sorry. That was a mistake."

"We both made a couple of those."

"Maybe." Bernie looked embarrassed. "I realised what a big mistake I'd made the day I got back. She wasn't you and I'm not over you. I might never be. It's not fair to be with someone who isn't...uh…" She paused for a long moment before her jaw firmed. "You're the love of my life. Nobody else will ever compare. I can't be with someone who expects to have my whole heart when you have it."

Air rushed out of Serena's lungs as though she'd been punched. The sounds of the hospital faded away for a moment and she couldn't move, couldn't think. Bernie's quiet confessions, so rarely given, had always hit her hard and rendered her speechless. Fear and hope warred in Bernie's face and Serena couldn't find an answer for either emotion.

Bernie ducked her head again. "I left Nairobi two weeks after I got back and an old friend offered me this job as soon as he heard I was looking. I'm not living in Holby, but it's not too far for me to commute if I need to. The hours are irregular and the work takes me all over the place."

"Sounds perfect for you," Serena managed to say.

"It's not a field hospital, but it's satisfying in a different way." A smile twitched at the corner of Bernie's mouth. "I've always wanted to be winched out of a helicopter onto a naval vessel."

"My action hero," Serena said before she could stop herself.

Stricken hope filled Bernie's eyes for a moment before she blinked and the expression was gone, replaced with fragile amusement. "I was going to ask how you felt about flight suits."

"I prefer something a little more regimental, but I do like a woman in uniform." Serena was surprised she managed to keep her tone light.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Serena was silent for another long moment before asking, "Is it going to be enough?"

There was no hesitation. "Oh, yes."

"How do you know?"

Bernie's smile was shy. Beautiful. "Today I've been winched from a helicopter in the middle of rough seas, performed field surgery in mid-air, and worked with the best surgeon I've ever known. I've got a trauma centre that's just starting to turn around, plenty of excitement to get into trouble with, and all I've been able to think about for the last six hours is whether you'd say yes if I asked you out for dinner." Bernie took a breath. "The work is enough for me, my children are here. But something is still missing and that's you."

"If I say no, will you go back?"

"No, my life isn't there anymore. I don't want it to be."

"You hurt me." For a moment, the words stuck in Serena's throat. There was a lump there that made it hard to breath. "We hurt each other, and I don't think I can go through that again."

Bernie reached out and touched Serena's hand where it lay on the bench. It was clearly an unconscious move and she started to snatch it back as soon as she realised, but Serena didn't let her. She twined her fingers with Bernie's, blinking away the sudden moisture in her eyes.

"I'm not going to be home every night," Bernie said. "My schedule is unpredictable. Sometimes I'll have to go away with no notice. I'm on speed-dial with a couple of NGOs who might need to me to fly into a crisis for a week or two every now and again. I probably won't be around to put the bins out every week."

"I wouldn't want you to."

"But I do want to come home to you at the end of everything, as often as I can," Bernie said. "If you'll let me, I want to make this work."

Serena stared down at their joined hands. Bernie's skin was still slightly tanned. Her fingernails were short and there was a scar across her thumb knuckle that looked new.

If she said yes, she wouldn't have to wonder where that scar came from. Bernie would come home to her and tell her. And maybe Serena could even go with her sometimes on her adventures-- she could spare the odd week away from Jason and Greta.

"Ask me," Serena said quietly.

"What?"

"Ask me out to dinner." She cleared her throat. "There'd better be wine."

Bernie's smile was blinding. "There will be. Serena Campbell, will you have dinner with me?"

Serena could feel her own smile starting, despite the hot dampness in her eyes. "Yes."

"Just dinner," Bernie said. "I know we've still got a lot to work through and I don't want to rush--"

"Oh, will you shut up," Serena said, and kissed her.


End file.
